Here I am

Alone and suffering

With this agony that consumes me

With this pain that won’t stop

I want to feel your hug

That which conforts me

Because now

I’m broken

Hurt

Forgotten

I’m broken

Tired of suffering

I don’t know the Joy of living

Only the pain of existing

Of knowing i make no diference

Doesn’t matter how diferent i am

I don’t feel ok

When you go away

You don’t feel me no more.

Tale: Last Whisper

Emily was thinking “What is going on with me?”, when she heard a noise in the door of her bedroom. “But Keeru is out, together with Lidi”, Emily lived with Keeru and Lidi, her best friends since highschool

Emily’s room was always locked, because it was her sanctuary. Three of the walls where painted in black, e one was White. The wardrobe was black and White, just like the bed and the shelf. There was a white desk, on the first drawer was knifes and razors. The white wall was filled with fotos of her friends, Family, bands and cosplays. In a bookcase was her books and mangás. Half of her wardrobe had cosplays and the other half her common clothes. In the room, a white carpet occupied half of the floor.

A person entered the room, Emily got scared, took the razor that was by her side (she was doing an university job) to defend herself but...

Thirty minutes later Keeru and Lidi arrived on the house, they found weird to see the door to Emily’s room open. When they entered they shocked at what they saw. Blood stains where scatered across the room, signs of battle, the carpet once white is now red, the fotos were teared, but what caught their atention was the body bellow the bed, with a huge blood puddle together.

With the last breath that remained in her, her friends got close:

- Emi? Can you hear us? – Keery asked.

- Y-y-yes... – With a weak voice she proceeded – but i’m dying.

- No! You won’t leave us!!! – Keeru and Lidi where desperate and crying.

- I was tortured, violated and now i’m parting, i can’t withstand the pain, and my hour is here. I just want you to know...I...Lo-love...You!

The last words of Emi, the girls where desperate, emotive and confused, they called the police and the rescue team... But there was no salvation for Emily. Only after they removed her body they noticed... The razor was stuck on her wrist.

Fellings

Yeah... I can’t forget you. I miss you!

After all you bring joy to my heart, and my soul. When i think about you i remember the jokes, the laughs and the playtime. I remember the day you made me fall. On that rehersal, i remember you got really worried, a little White, and you didn’t stop apologizing. I’m not going to lie, i felt a lot of pain on that Saturday, but i changed the tear sinto laughs to make you feel better.

Your hug that day, it was a protective hug, you got really worried, feel people felt that way.

But even all that, when we where doing the show, i got nervous, you calmed me, telling me to calm down and relax because you would hold me if i slipped.

And like it aways happens...Your eyes absorved me!

Love Benno

Benno, I don’t remember how I met you, but it was 10 years ago... Dude thats a long time. I remember you where the nerd of the class, which I loved to talk to. Everytime you told me “Good Morning”, I bursted out laughing. You protected  me from the boys who pissed me off, you made me laugh with what they told.

 And after I moved away, you came talk to me, you got interested in recovering contact. I don’t have how to thank you for that.

All I have to say to you is that, I Love You

I loved you then,

I love you now,

And I will keep loving you.

It seems sweety, but thats how it is dear brother.

You where a part of my life, and you will keep being

Ghost

The memory ghosts always comeback with the same sight.

Why do you return? Why do you ignore me when you return? Why, everytime I try to talk with you, I turn into a joke?

You’re my ghost, and I have no idea how you reach me. I want to talk to you, but I can’t... Everytime I try your “friends” humiliates me...

Why do I try?

Because I have hopes to ask for forgiveness how its meant to be, not through the internet.

But i never have the chance...

Trust

This is not Paradise for everything go out perfect like you wanted. This is real life, and the real life is not one bit easy, but that is no excuse to act like that.

Trust more in yourself, in me, in the relationship, speak openly to me, not through an intermediate, that’s what infuriates me! But you don’t notice...

Darkness

The tears are falling,

And I don't want it anymore

I fell nothing but pain

They say than I am a Darkness person,

But the real darkness is in my life

Missing someone, confusion and memories

Everytime I try to get away from you, you end up back to me, like a magnet. Why is it so hard? I can’t take it. Destiny, I already put an end to this, why you bring back these memories that haunt me so much and make me suffer... These memories make me laugh, but they hurt me. Brings pain, but at the same time the happiness and Peace...

You’re like a ghost that comes back to haunt me, that don’t leave me alone!!! I’m not bothered by it... I just wanna call you “Oniisama(brother)”, friend, again.

I tip my hat to you...

...L.R

Paradise

We all go through sadness and happiness. When we remember moments where we cried, we laugh; in moments we laughed, we cry.

Our life is made of memories, be them sad or not. Most of them comeback to haunt us, make us think and/or cry.

We miss our friends, some that died, some that simply stopped talking with us. We miss even our friends that are present.

This is not Paradise, this is who we are, this is what we have, but this is no tjer end. We build our own Paradise, but sometimes we get lost in them.

Confused

Confusion, a simple word with complex thoughts.

I wanted that everything gonne back to the way it was, but it won’t. I don’t even know if I’m still your “little sister”, I don’t know what you think anymore, i don’t know why you avoid me when i talk to you.

I miss your jokes, your chitchat, playing soccer and basketball. The worse is that I still remember your birthday, I know what you like and what you don’t, the things in common, the crazy stuff.

I miss you.

I miss your friendship.

And that’s what makes me confused.

You Don't Care

(my version fof the music I don't care - Apocalyptica)

If I've been dead or still alive,

You don't care
You don't care

You just go and live all these behind,

And I swear, you don't care

You don't care for me,

 for us or for our friendship.

Guilty

“That moment when you’re down, and your friends make you feel worse...

'I will be alone’; ‘You will leave me’...

If I’m your friend, I ensure you, I won’t leave you.

When I call you Brother or Sister, it was because we made a bond.

Then you start to feel guilty. Without doing anything. Only being worried.

That’s my life.

Complicated Life.”

I don’t know...

“I don’t know when you’re angry with me. I don’t know when I hurt you. I don’t know if I make you uneasy or not.

I don’t know how to act...

But I will confess to you my friend, I'm not a fool.

The problem must be me. I don’t know when i make you good or not.

I don’t know anything else.”

Lonely Forest

“I walked in a forest. It was the lonely forest.

It's that colorful place, full of smiling people.

It's tha place where those people can pretend to be someone their not.

The lonely forest is the place most filled with people that exists. But in the middle of all these people, you feel alone. Forgotten. Excluded. And swapped.”

My Perfect World

“Sometimes I think that being alone is better than being surrounded by people. After all, I don’t need to give satisfaction to myself. I don’t need my aproval. I only need my room, my phones and my books. The rest is profit.

The only one you that can understand me is me.

People think that they understand me, but nobody really gets the other person.

It doesn’t matter how much we try, no one is going to be satisfied.

Everything desapears, even with people nearby.

Nobody knows what frightnens me, what makes me bad.

Sometimes I feel in a suicide, another complicated suicide.

Burn, burn everything. I don’t care anymore!

I cut myself, cutted myself to another world, a world where my phisycal pain takes over my psychologic pain. To another complicated suicide.

This is my world. I will let it burn, if it's the right thing for me.

It's the same thing now, it's the same thing as before. This is my world, my suicidal world. My perfect little world.”

Or world is look like this: by: Eli Nogueira

It is all we want

And it's all we're fighting for

Though it's not paradise

And we run, with a lonely heart

And we run, tell me how to believe in justice

And we run, living in the dark

And we run, 'til we fall apart

And we run, til we've had enough, 

But we have nothing

An big and long nothing.

In this world we tried

Not leaving me alone behind

There is no other way.